Most of us have had the experience of having a bad day and finding ourselves coping with our emotions and feelings by eating food. It is soothing. It is nurturing. It reminds us of being cared for. And an occasional episode of overeating typically does not impact us much.
But sometimes overeating can become a habit. It becomes one of our “go to” ways of coping. So it is important to recognize when that is happening and take action to prevent negative impacts on our health as well as this habit becoming more of a problem. After all, even if the occasional episode of overeating can be harmless and normal, it is still an unhealthy coping mechanism. And over time, as we learn how to cope in healthy ways, it is important to reduce and eventually hopefully eliminate all of our unhealthy coping mechanisms because they can cause us harm. In the case of overeating, this harm can be gaining too much weight so that our BMI is in the obese category. When this happens, we are at higher risk of heart diseases including high blood pressure, cholesterol imbalances, diabetes, and even cancers.
And when overeating becomes a frequent problem we can actually develop a mental and physical health problem called Binge Eating Disorder (BED). “Binge eating disorder is defined as eating an amount of food in a discrete period of time (eg, two hours) that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances [5]. These episodes occur, on average, at least once a week for three months. Episodes of binge eating are associated with a lack of control and with distress over the eating.” (https://www.uptodate.com/contents/binge-eating-disorder-in-adults-overview-of-treatment?search=Binge%20eating%20disorder&source=search_result&selectedTitle=1~150&usage_type=default&display_rank=1)
So what can you do about overeating to cope? Here are some techniques that have been proven effective based upon research according to the same source above.
The most important thing to do, the thing that will help the most is to seek the help of a coach/counselor/therapist who practices cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) specifically for problems with eating. Usually this will by definition be a therapist who is a LCSW or psychologist. Some other professionals may have this education or offer this service as well. You can ask them before scheduling your first session what kind of educational and professional training they have.
Monitor your eating behavior by keeping a daily diary to record real-time each meal, snack, binge episode, and what was happening with your thoughts and emotions, as well as any events happening at that time. For example, “Wednesday 1/18/23 11am, ate ½ medium pizza and drank a diet coke, woke up late, started work stressed, got triggered, had a busy morning with a lot of frustrating events and changes”. Seeing that in print, it is obvious that if this person had gotten up when the alarm went off, they may not have been as stressed. And for stress we can’t control, using healthy ways of coping is more helpful. For example if they had taken a few minutes to meditate and eaten a healthier lunch, they might be feeling better about themselves right now. Eating a healthier lunch might have been easier if they had planned ahead and packed something nutritious for lunch instead of buying pizza. It is important to identify the context in which you overeat and the patterns of overeating. For example if you always overeat while watching TV, knowing this can help you identify this pattern so you can actively change that behavior. So keeping a diary of eating habits for a while is critical to figuring this out and tackling it.
Check your weight regularly. Calculate your BMI using your weight and height and see what category you are in; normal weight, underweight, overweight, or in an obese category. You should do this regularly depending on your own health needs and goals. But checking your weight should not be something you obsess about. The idea is to have real data to work with rather than distorted thoughts. Weight is one measure of health just like your blood pressure, oxygen level, temperature, heart rate, heart rate variability, stress level, happiness score, sleep trends, or the number of steps you take each day/how active you are. Biometric data can be really helpful in working towards health. It is kind of odd that people worry so much more about their weight than the rest of these numbers, isn’t it? Why do we give that one number so much power? If you stress out a lot about your number of pounds, that is concerning. That may indicate that you place too much of a focus on that one measure of health. And if your weight is too low or normal or even in the overweight category and you obsess on that a lot and feel “fat”, that is a symptom of a condition called body dysmorphia. So, if you find that checking your weight is a negative or stressful experience, talk with your therapist and psychiatric provider about how to best manage this.
Use an app on your phone to record your eating habits and vital signs so you can easily bring your diary to your coaching/counseling/therapy sessions.
Once you have some information about your habits and the context around your eating patterns, you can develop a plan for a regular pattern of eating that is best for you considering your age and stature. It can really help to speak to a nutritionist about this so you have help figuring out what your nutritional requirements are and the best way to meet them. It may be necessary to gradually implement the regular pattern over a few weeks.
Recognize high risk situations for binge eating and learn coping skills such as:
Do something else that is incompatible with eating when you feel like coping with food. For example, if you are riding a bike, walking, swimming, meditating, journaling, crocheting, playing a musical instrument, etc. it is pretty hard to eat at the same time. If you plan an activity like this ahead of time for when you are feeling the need to cope with food, it will help to prevent overeating.
Recognize that that urge to eat is temporary. Tell yourself that you will allow yourself a healthy snack in 30 minutes rather than reaching for potato chips in that moment of stress. You may often find that you no longer need the snack when 30 minutes have gone by.
If you identify with your diary that a specific situation such as spending time with a certain person, going to a specific place, or doing a particular activity, makes you feel bad in some way, these are what we call “triggering”. And being triggered to feel a negative emotion or take some kind of harmful action can be destructive. So, once you figure this out, it gives you an opportunity to make some changes in your life to eliminate the trigger. And if that is not possible to do completely, you can reduce your exposure and add in some different coping mechanisms to help. For example, if your cousin always makes you feel less than at Thanksgiving, sit away from them and spend time with the family members that make you feel good.
If they corner you, have it planned out what you will say to end the conversation quickly. And you can, plan to organize an activity or project that day that will be distracting from your trigger. For example, someone I know does “Holiday Olympics”. At every occasion, they have pre-planned organized games and activities for the whole family to do together. This can be a great distraction from triggers. But it can also help relieve some pressure and take away some awkwardness everyone may feel over the holidays. And if the whole day and entire family make you feel bad, host a gathering for close friends that feed your soul instead.
This can be hard to do because setting limits with others is difficult. But, it isn’t impossible and it gets a lot easier every time you practice having boundaries. Problem solving is the key. You will want to; identify the problem early, specify the problem accurately, generate multiple solutions, think through the consequences of each solution, choose one solution, and act upon it.
Sometimes we don’t plan ahead for meals. Winging it can be a danger zone though because if you go a long time between meals and only eat when you are famished, it is a lot harder to make healthy choices and eat only one serving. There are a few different things at play here. 1) Planning when in your day you will eat and how much you need 2) Planning ahead so that you have a supply of healthy food around to eat. 3) Planning what you will eat each day of the week for all your meals. Having all this worked out can be really helpful because deciding under duress at the last minute when you are hungry can be overwhelming and trip you up. If every Tuesday is Taco (salad) night, you won’t have to even worry about what to eat. And if the day rolls around and you really want something else, that does not mean that you can’t change the plan. But, having a plan, and everything you need on hand, can help when choosing and / or shopping feels overwhelming. Some folks want to have more flexibility and decide in the moment what they want.
Even if you do that, it can help to have some meal plans and foods available to choose from rather than reinventing the wheel and having to go out and buy ingredients for every meal daily. If you want variety, you can draw from a hat and surprise yourself. But when we are stressed and tired at the end of the day, making these decisions and gathering all the ingredients can often be enough to cause us to overeat because doing all these tasks causes more stress, frustration and overwhelm. So, planning ahead in a way that works for you is key.
Sometimes we plan to go without food on purpose. We feel like we need to lose weight, so we don’t eat at all, very little, or restrict lots of foods for certain meals or even for the entire day. Then late at night when we have a moment to rest, we realize we are hungry so we grab whatever we can as fast as we can and overeat. It is important not to severely restrict eating because this can be counterproductive and cause you to do the exact opposite.
Do you have any forbidden foods? What if you never eat cake because you worry that it will cause you to overeat. And then you are invited to a wedding or birthday party and this causes you to feel panicked because you worry you will eat the cake and then lose all control of your eating.
When you have ideas like these and you identify that they may be harmful you should ask yourself, “Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you believe that thought? Who would you be without the thought? (Katie, Byron) It is good to challenge these beliefs because often they are not actually true, but do cause you distress. Once you have tackled the issues above, it is important to challenge yourself and go further. You should identify those foods that you regard as “forbidden” because of the belief that they will inevitably lead to binge eating. It can help to introduce a small amount of the food into a planned meal or snack on a day when you feel in control of your eating and capable of resisting the urge to binge eat. Eating your “forbidden foods” in single servings in a calm controlled manner and having this experience without losing control of your eating can help you see that you really ARE in control of your eating. This can help decrease the stress, anxiety, and triggers you have around eating. This technique is a great way to take your power back and be in control.
Imagine, you have FINALLY tackled your overeating. You are feeling like this problem is over and done with. And then something really upsetting happens. You find yourself right back where you were before you started working on these things. But are you really? Just because we work hard and make something get a lot better doesn’t mean we will never have to face it again. Most of us slip up after a while and fall back into old habits. It is important to remember that this does not mean all is lost. After all, you have learned all of these skills and all of these techniques, and you have gotten it right many times before. And you will again. So if you find yourself back in your old destructive habits, don’t beat yourself up with words. THAT can set you off on a bad spin. Instead, tell yourself, “It is OK. Everyone slips up sometimes. You have lots of good skills now and you know what to do.” And trust me, if you keep a positive mindset about it, it will just be a blip and you will be back on track. But if you let negative thinking take hold, it will be a much harder climb back out. And if you don’t bounce back pretty quickly, check in with your therapist, nutritionist, and psychiatric professional again. You have a team of people on your side.
Make a commitment to yourself; attend your appointments, do your homework, push yourself to use the tools and stick to your plan. Remember why you started all this to begin with. You are WORTH IT!
Are you caught in negative thinking patterns about your body image? Do you have negative self-talk about your body? Certainly obesity has some physical health risks and it is important to be concerned with being healthy and well. But when our thoughts are constantly negative and destructive or when our image of ourselves is not based in reality, it is important to challenge those beliefs because they cause us harm. Those negative thoughts are what cause us to get into bad habits to cope in the first place. So fighting that is very very important. If you look in the mirror in the morning and have negative thoughts, you should really listen to the Mel Robbins podcast and specifically her “High Five” technique. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKNpcJsk-jo (I don’t get anything for promoting her work or that of anyone else. But I do think she and the other folks I share about have invaluable advice and information for you.)
EVERY DAY, find positive things about yourself. Make a list. And rather than thinking negatively about yourself, remind yourself of all of the good things about you every day. You could even have a rule that for every negative thought you have about yourself, you have to immediately come up with two positive thoughts to counteract them. And it is a great habit that whenever you notice that you are focusing on your physical appearance, good or bad, you also make yourself think about two things about you that are good that have nothing to do with how you look. There is nothing wrong with feeling that you look nice, we should all feel that we are beautiful. But we humans are so much more than a pretty face. And honestly, who we are in the world, the good we do, our efforts and accomplishments, our attention to our well being and striving to be healthier, helping others, being honest, ethical, and empathetic is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN HOW WE LOOK! And these are things to really focus on and feel good about.
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