It is interesting to think about how our thoughts, good and bad, can sometimes become our reality. And consider this; we have been taught many things from birth. Our families, communities, and the world have all provided us with specific prescribed lessons that are common in our cultures. But, who has ever taught you to control your mind?
Most likely your answer is no-one. There usually is no formal education on how to control our brain, so that it is not controlling us. And without proper training, our thoughts can be like puppies running around and chewing up things and making a huge mess. An untrained mind can do the exact same thing with your life and your spirit. It can be very destructive.
That is not to say that one should use mind control to make abusive situations acceptable. Nor should we train our minds to do other unhealthy things. But we can shift our patterns of thinking so that we are behaving, speaking, coping, and thinking in healthy ways. But how do we start taking control of our thoughts so that we can do better for ourselves? First we need to learn about how we respond to situations and people.
"Fight, flight, hide, or play dead" is a simple way to explain that there are various ways organisms, including humans, might respond to perceived threats. Each of the four options represents a different strategy for dealing with danger.
Fight: This involves confronting the threat directly and attempting to overcome or defeat it. It's an aggressive response aimed at protecting oneself.
Flight: This response involves escaping or avoiding the threat. It's a defensive strategy focused on creating distance from the danger.
Hide: Hiding is a strategy where the individual seeks cover or concealment to avoid detection by the threat. It's a more passive approach to self-preservation.
Play Dead: This response, also known as "playing possum," involves feigning death or helplessness. Some animals, when facing a predator, may go limp and appear lifeless, hoping that the threat will lose interest and leave.
These responses are part of the body's natural stress response and can be observed in various animals, including humans. The specific response chosen depends on factors such as the nature of the threat, the individual's assessment of their ability to cope, and the environment. Additionally, the fight/flight/hide/play dead response is not always a conscious decision; it often occurs automatically and is influenced by the autonomic nervous system.
Why is this important? Consider that if you are walking in the woods and you encounter a poisonous snake, your mind and body will automatically go into this protective state. That is great when you are in true danger. You need this for your well-being.
But what happens to many people is we are being triggered by known situations, and sometime unknown situations that cause us to want to:
~>fight with people physically or verbally
~>run away from people and situations
~>avoid things we may want and need like jobs or schooling
~>isolate ourselves from others
YET USUALLY WE ARE IN NO REAL DANGER!
Having this kind of response to things when we are not in real danger can really mess up our lives. We can miss out on really important or wonderful things.
For example someone might:
-really want to go on a fun vacation - but can't get on a plane
-want to have a specific career path but can't start or complete a program or go to work
-not be able to have a partner, friend, be close to family (that are healthy for us)
-sometimes when triggered (and sometimes for no reason) people may have negative thinking about themselves, others, situations, and things. Negativity can be toxic and also VERY HARMFUL to us and our lives.
Learning to control our thoughts and minds is a critical life skill.
So how do we do this?
Consider this.......there is only so much "real estate" in our brain for our thoughts at any given time. In other words, while the brain is capable of processing multiple thoughts simultaneously, our conscious awareness usually is more focused on one thought or task at a time. And when we have anxiety/panic inducing or negative thinking, often our brains are hyperfocused on these. We can leverage this!
Imagine your brain is a stage for thoughts. Typically we will have one performance on stage at a time. Well, often when we are triggered that performer is a BAD ACTOR! That thought has mess off the stage PRONTO.
And we need to make room for thoughts that are helpful useful calming and positive.
Step one is to learn to be mindful so that you can recognize these thoughts. When you are really upset, you won't need this skill because the problem thoughts will be top of mind. But we want start learning to catch these thoughts early on before they grow and cause us to start mentally spinning in circles. So on a regular basis, check in with yourself. Ask yourself what is on your mind's stage. Doing this exercise will help you to be able to notice BAD ACTORS while they are auditioning and long before your whole production is riding on them. That does not mean that even when you do this well you will always be able to head these off at the pass. And if you don't recognize these intrusive thoughts early on, no worries. You can always catch up. But save yourself a lot of stress and learn to be monitoring your thoughts on the regular.
When you do recognize stressful anxious panicky or negative thoughts, the best thing to do is take a moment to reboot. When your computer goes haywire, you press and hold that power button. You can do that with your brain too. Either visualize or actually take your fingers and press on your forehead. While you do this, take some nice slow deep cleansing breaths. The 4 seconds X 4 Box Breathing exercise works great. Breathe in 4 secs. Hold 4 seconds. Out 4 seconds. Hold 4 seconds. Do this a few times until you feel your body and mind start to relax at least a little.
After that you should take a moment to consider what the negative thought was and develop a counter thought that is calming soothing and positive. For example, if someone is afraid to fly, up in the air, and they hit a little turbulence, what will they think? THE PLANE IS GOING TO CRASH!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! They may even start to have a panic attack which can be problematic at that time for sure! So a good counter to that is, "It's just like a speed bump. It's just like a speed bump. It's just like a speed bump." They can repeat that thought over and over in their head to "crowd out" the bad thought so to speak. You may have heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques (CBT). It may have seemed very unclear exactly what this is. But programming your brain in this manner is CBT. And clinical studies have proven that CBT is very effective.
And here is the cool thing. You most likely won't have to spend the next 3 and a half hours doing this. Our brains are very fickle. Once we are calmed down so the thought is not growing and taking over, our brain will in short order (a few minutes) start thinking of different things that are just normal thoughts because whatever we were stressing about is no longer taking center stage in our life.
Congratulations! Now that you have this very important tool in your wellness toolbox you will be able to take solid control of your brain and thinking so that you can have better control of your emotions and life. And if you need more information, see the helpful resources below.
Sometimes it's hard to determine what our minds are up to. To figure out what your mind is doing and to figure out life problems that are bothering you, read my blog post on Stream of Thought Journaling
To stop a panic attack in it's tracks read my blog post Panic No More
Learn more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques from Emma McAdam, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist here
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) typical involves being in therapy with someone who is a DBT specialist and usually a structured program with multiple professionals. If you find that you have a hard time controlling your emotions and behavior, you may want to consider DBT. This is particularly true if you have; a lot of conflict or relationship problems, frequent negative thinking patterns, difficulty controlling emotions or impulses, problems with drugs or alcohol, post traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality, suicidality or self harming behaviors, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and the like. Until you are able to get established with a therapist or program, you can begin to learn about some DBT skills.
This is a great book that is helpful in learning DBT skills; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, ... by Matthew McKay PhD (Author), Jeffrey C. Wood PsyD (Author), Jeffrey Brantley MD (Author) https://a.co/d/4h0t5nA
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